Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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