I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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