sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
