Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
