I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
