I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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