i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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