Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
