Whatcha textin bout Willis?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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