I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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