I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
