My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
