i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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