what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
