Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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