I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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