if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
