the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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