im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize