hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
