i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
