Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
