I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
