Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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