I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I looked at my own cervix.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
foreskin is a definite game changer
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
