at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
