I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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