Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
