Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
