So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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