Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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