Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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