I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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