All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
