yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We are all done wearing pants today
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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