I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
