We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
