My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
