She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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