idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
