Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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