I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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