Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
