You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
