Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
