Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
