Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
