I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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