Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
