What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
