I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
