i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
