god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
